Hugh Hefner has found his new girlfriends and they come equip with criminal records.  These twin sisters Karissa and Kristina Shannon supposedly don’t take any shit and are now on probation for beating some ass.  E! News states:

The sisters were arrested in the early morning hours of Jan. 10 and booked on suspicion of felony aggravated battery, per arrest reports obtained by E! News. They were released from custody after posting $10,000 bonds and were later given probation and ordered to pay restitution for the incident, the details of which have not been determined just yet.
Prior to that run-in with the law, Karissa Shannon was arrested on suspicion of misdemeanor battery last November.

Now that’s not my exact choice for ladies on my side; I don’t want my women to kick my ass for not washing the dishes or something, and being as old as he is he’d break a hip on contact.

Image:Splashnews

Brook “She Hulk” Hogan decides that she doesn’t want to do playboy…at the moment anyway.  Us Magazine states:

“Brooke just didn’t feel that it was the right time,” her rep told the mag. “It’s not out of the question for the future, but we’ll have to see.”

I guess the only one seeing and fondling that man ass of hers is her dad. Hulk says incest is best.

Holly Madison doesn’t like old wrinkly rich guys anymore and told TMZ yesterday that what we have heard about the two’s relationship is correct. Holly stated to a TMZ cameraman after he asked to enter the mansion for a Halloween party:

“I have no pull anymore. Hef and I aren’t together.”

Well now that it is confirmed; expect to see her back at her old job in a strip club near you kissing up on douche bags for their cash. Oh that was a hit at Criss Angel…my bad you Mind Geek.

Is Holly Madison dating Criss Angel?  Hugh Hefner says no, but he isn’t denying that she’s eventually going to get bored for his old ass. Hugh states to Us Magazine:

“She is still my girlfriend,”
“Now will that last? I don’t think anything lasts forever.
“I love her very much, but you know, she wants very much to get married and have children. That isn’t very much in the cards for me,” he adds. “So there has to be a certain reality there. And I’m sure the time will come when she’ll be dating others. That’s part of the transition.”

So basically Hugh got his kicks out of Holly’s “assets” and could care less what she does at this point as long as he doesn’t have to do any sort of commitment.  Sounds like a plan old man.

With Kendra Wilinson getting the boot out of the mansion and getting her own reality television show Hugh Hefner decides to talk reality, television that is. Hugh Hefner tells E! Online:

“I think all three girls are likely to get spinoffs. I think they will be interconnected to the main show, and we will all appear on both.”

Hugh talks Girls Next Door “It’s amazing. We’re about to launch season five,” “We thought it would be a one-season wonder.”

The next season of GND will premiere on October 5th so watch and wish, cause your life will never be as cool as Hugh’s. The most action packed part of your day will be when the nurse wipes and cleans your ass because you couldn’t control your bowels. Ah well that’s life, sucks don’t it.

Images: Splash News

Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt do what they do best, party and dress slutty.  The two hosted a party over the weekend for National Lampoon’s Great American Run.  Wanna know what it is? Bennett Media Worldwide states:

“National Lampoon’s Great American Run combines the always fascinating appeal of exotic cars with action/adventure stories, making this special interesting and gripping for audiences,” 

Basically it’s a reason for playmates to dress sluttish, drink it up, and get nude; I mean just check out Heather Rene Smith’s costume…err body paint.

Images:Splash News

“Definitely not twins,” Jessica Simpson states to E! that Ashlee Simpson is having just one baby. Meanwhile Pete Wentz told playboy? about the gender of the baby stating:

“We know with 90% accuracy that it’s a boy, and our due date is around Thanksgiving,”
“we don’t have any names yet,” Pete says, “My friend Andrew said, ‘Your kid has to have a name that would fit either a rock star or a senator.’”

I understand the rock star perspective dumb and stupid, oh and maybe because he does music, but senator? I don’t know but this kid doesn’t have very good chances having been announced before birth in playboy magazine.

Lindsay Lohan turned down a $700,000 dollar offer from Playboy to show her jugs in an eight-page spread. Page Six states:

“If there’s nudity, then the answer’s no . . . She’s not going down the [New York] magazine road again,” Lohan’s rep told Playboy’s creative consultant, Hal Lifson, referring to Lindsay’s naked Marilyn Monroe tribute last winter. Lifson said he hoped to have Lohan do a tribute to ’60s sex kitten Ann-Margret and her film “Kitten With a Whip.”

What a dumb ass, this bitch already went completely nude for a mag that doesn’t specialize in nudes. Thus, meaning that she looked like butt. Well now she has the chance to do it again, having a chance to look a hell of a lot better and get paid for it all over again.

Do it you moron! We already seen your naked freckled ass and cooter what the hell does it matter now.

Images:Bauer Griffin

So believe it or not the playboy bunny, Jillian Grace, this dork knocked up had his love child. People reports:

“David and Jillian have been in close contact throughout her pregnancy and he plans to go see the baby during his first break from shooting Rules of Engagement,” Spade’s
rep, Meredith O’Sullivan, tells PEOPLE.

I still can’t believe this nut bag got with a playboy bunny, I think this is just some elaborate joke to get the American public remotely interested in David Spades life. That or well he was thinking with his wang like nearly every dude that walks the earth.

Scary Movie actress Anne Faris was forced to break her no nudity rule in her recent playboy type movie, House Bunny. Anne wasn’t interested in getting nude for the camera but was having problems with the body double and decided ah what the hell. Anne states:

It was my first nude scene and it wasn’t supposed to be me,…
I had a body double and we had some complicating factors with her. It was sort of a last minute thing, where I said, ‘I’ll just go ahead and do this.
I was really uncomfortable…It was really humiliating.

Congrats to her for showing her tater tots to the world; the world is now officially a better place to live in.